Monday, June 28, 2010

"These weren't just any jeans..."



I came to in the emergency room, having no memory of how I'd ended up there with two broken teeth and a ripped bottom lip. A few days later, we'd find out I'd been hit by a reckless driver while riding my scooter to a friend's house, but even three months later, the last thing I remember is stopping by the grocery store to get a few bottles of wine (all of which survived the wreck, by the way).

My favorite bra, a favorite t-shirt, and a pair of underwear had been cut off of me. But for some reason, my jeans had been spared. They weren't even torn from their slide along the pavement. In fact, I have a scar on my knee from the fabric burn they left as my body scraped along the street. I was relieved - these weren't just any jeans. I'd found them for $6 in a thrift store and they had been the only pair to ever fit me perfectly, no alteration required. But I was dismayed when I picked them up and found them stained with asphalt, gasoline, and blood.

But I couldn't give up on these jeans, not the one and only pair that was neither too short nor too long, that fit my muscular thighs without being baggy in the waist. So I put them through the wash. Then I put them through the wash again. And again. And again. And eventually, most of the stains faded.

If you look closely, you can see a spot of asphalt that looks like an ink stain, gasoline that looks like spilled tea, blood that looks like dirt. But like the scar on my lip and the veneers on my teeth, you can't really tell unless you know what to look for. Like my face and my knee, they're altered forever because of one reckless person's bad decision. But they still fit me better than any jeans I've ever had. Just like the rest of me, they withstood a high-impact crash, survived, and came out okay in the end. I'm grateful every day that I lived through this, and it's icing on the cake that my jeans came with me.

(PS - Helmets save lives. If you ride, wear one.)

Dorla Moorehouse

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Good Ass Jeans

There are rules to everything in life. I just learned that I couldn't post a review on The Gap because I was using profanity. This is my unedited review of their unbelievably awesome Sexy Boot Jeans:

The color is a perfect deep indigo blue. The denim is sleek and retains the shape after washing. I own three pairs. The one I wear for every day. The one I wear for special. And the one I keep sacred. Best of all, my husband calls these my "good ass jeans." What more do you need to know?

Yeah, The Gap doesn't like the word "ass."
I tried "a**."
No luck.
I could not bring myself to call them "good butt jeans," and I don't know if that would have passed or not.

So I decided to post my review here, instead.

XXX,
Alison

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Jeans Aficionados


This article cracked me up. First off, check out how seriously these guys keep track of how often they wash their jeans—or *don't* wash their jeans! But even more than that, the comments on the piece amused me: Given the lack of regular laundering, I wouldn't like to sit next to these people on the bus...

Heh.

XXX,
Alison

"Singer Flaunts Ripped Jeans"


That was the AOL headline for this article. I think it's hysterical. Go ahead, flaunt your ripped jeans, you. Just fucking flaunt them.

Okay, I have now officially become obsessed with the word flaunt.

Oh, you can even vote as to whether or not she's a fashion "do."

XXX,
Alison

I really liked those jeans...

They were Joe's Jeans. I never had Joe's Jeans before. And they fit fucking perfectly. I snagged them at a clothing exchange. You know, one of those get-togethers where women bring their cast-off items to trade. The type of place where you bring your stuff, but you never, not ever, find anything at all. And I found these. God, so sexy. With a few little tears and soft spots here and there. The most perfect little window on the inner thigh.

A window that Sam grabbed hold of. Whispering, "You go out of the house in jeans like these," he ripped my Joe's from stem to stern.

This isn't the first pair of pants I've loved to meet a fast, fierce demise. I mean, they were quite literally fucked to death. And, yeah, baby, the sex was worth far more than any pair of free jeans.

But damn. Those Joe's made my ass look fantastic. Ask Sommer if you don't believe me.

XXX,
Alison

P.S. This is a reprint from my blog from April 2009, but I could have written the same piece last week. I'm not the only one in my household obsessed with destroying jeans.

Monday, June 21, 2010

with grinding...


...and destruction.

I swear, the people who create these write-ups must pen porn on the side. I like a lot of grinding, personally, and a little destruction every other Tuesday.

The names of the colors are priceless, too:

cascade
deep creek
moonlit lake


Plus, I do have a soft spot for "low boyfriends," I must say.

XXX,
Alison

Torn * Shredded * Whole


I've had a love affair with shredded jeans ever since my first pair of Calvin's sprung a leak in the knees. A few Millennia ago, I worked the jeans wall at The Gap. This was back when the store still hosted (and boasted) Levi's 501s. And I have caused my mother countless hours of consternation for more than two decades now—refusing to retire my favorite pairs long after they are suitable for public viewing.

The fact that Sam considers a fray or rip or even a hint of wear in a pair of pants to be fair game is the only reason why my closet hasn't burst its own seams with shredded jeans.

This new blog will host photos of your favorite jeans (send .jpgs to me at msalisontyler at yahoo dot com), articles about hot denim looks, and snips of stories that focus on the concept of torn — denim or otherwise.

Welcome. And now let me ask *you* a question — zipper or button fly?

XXX,
Alison